i have become less, less, and less of myself
everyday i wake up in a wrong place
and my time is corrupted by the thoughts
of the fear of being not being good enough
and the wish of things i have never had
and the wish of being this person i create in my head the way i want myself to be.

and then the wish of having moments that will never happen, even in my another life

and then the wish of having people i have never even known before

and then the regrets of not living life the way i want it to be

and then the regrets of not saying what you actually mean to someone who doesn’t know whom your heart is for

and the thoughts of my time is near end and i’m still doing nothing

is hiding the best option?

because i don’t want to show up in a bunch of people who talk ****
who like to bring up the weakness of someone else and make fun of it.

while me, is still me, with only myself and my ******* useless thoughts that are stopping me from doing anything.

i don’t want to be forgotten nor do i want to appear

is wishing to die wrong?

because i have nothing to do and no one to impress here anymore

even i don’t wanna save myself everytime i’m near death anymore

i thought i was cured from all these suicidal things but turns out

i have never been this ready to die.