I wasn’t preparing myself for your death
I was preparing myself for your survival.

My gut told me you would beat It.
It starts with a cruel “C,” ends with a nasty “R”
Always includes a “*******,”
And a “why me?”
And a “*******…”

But before It took over one last time,
You taught me about friendship,
how it arises from the strangest of circumstances.
You taught me about happiness,
how it can come in the form of chamomile tea and candlelit dinners.
You taught me about strength,
how it radiates through the bones of a boy with nothing to lose, but It.

I am a better friend,
I cherish the happy moments,
I know about true strength,
And it is all because of
you.

It is never fair,
But twenty is too young.
And I said,
I wasn’t preparing myself for your death
I was preparing myself for your survival.

But I know how to be strong now,
And I will find peace in your rest,
And I will be happy,
My friend.