Feb 2019
They say goodbyes are never easy but this one was by far the hardest like running into a brick wall you never knew existed
They say when someone dies you go through seven stages of grief but what they never told you is how you go through each of them at once, juggling each emotion like a kings jester just trying to please someone who cannot be pleased
I miss you
They say "it’ll get better" like this is just another speed bump you need to slow down for or else you’ll crack your bumper like the egg your mother helped you crack when you were 5. But what they don’t say is, it never gets better.
I miss you
It never gets better, you just learn to deal with it. You learn to deal with the impending doom that one day you’ll be gone too and everyone you’ve ever known will live without you like their beloved imaginary friend they had when they were 6 that they can’t quite remember the name of. You’ve learned to deal with having to grow up too fast because your mother isn’t here anymore and hasn’t been for years because of her mental illness, like chains and shackles weighing you down but you don’t quite know how much until they’re gone.
I miss you
They say... they’re in a better place..
so why am i so selfish and want you here with me? Why do i want you here on earth where you dealt with demons so strong they made you die years before your body. Why do i stay awake at night and think about everything you’ve done wrong to us, seeing it play over and over again before my eyes like a bad drive in movie stuck on repeat. Why do i want you here when I’ve realized, you’re the king and I’m the kings jester.. always juggling for someone who can never be pleased....
I miss you mom, i really do.
But, i miss the old you.
They say when someone dies you go through seven stages of grief but what they never told you is how you go through each of them at once, juggling each emotion like a kings jester just trying to please someone who cannot be pleased
I miss you
They say "it’ll get better" like this is just another speed bump you need to slow down for or else you’ll crack your bumper like the egg your mother helped you crack when you were 5. But what they don’t say is, it never gets better.
I miss you
It never gets better, you just learn to deal with it. You learn to deal with the impending doom that one day you’ll be gone too and everyone you’ve ever known will live without you like their beloved imaginary friend they had when they were 6 that they can’t quite remember the name of. You’ve learned to deal with having to grow up too fast because your mother isn’t here anymore and hasn’t been for years because of her mental illness, like chains and shackles weighing you down but you don’t quite know how much until they’re gone.
I miss you
They say... they’re in a better place..
so why am i so selfish and want you here with me? Why do i want you here on earth where you dealt with demons so strong they made you die years before your body. Why do i stay awake at night and think about everything you’ve done wrong to us, seeing it play over and over again before my eyes like a bad drive in movie stuck on repeat. Why do i want you here when I’ve realized, you’re the king and I’m the kings jester.. always juggling for someone who can never be pleased....
I miss you mom, i really do.
But, i miss the old you.
