My dad used to tell me that I shouldn't like boys because they were no good.
I used to believe that there was no way to avoid getting pregnant and that it just happened.
The first time I ever masturbated I was sure there was a baby inside me.
I used to blame my dad for me being gay.
I used to think that you were one of those "good guys" that everyone told me I would find.
Everyone told me it was my fault for ******* you and I believed it.
I knew you were falling in love with me but I didn't want you to leave.

Even though my whole body was shaking as you slid your hands up my clothes,
you wouldn't stop
Even though I told you about my past and you saw that I was frozen in fear,
whenever you pinned me down you didn't stop.

I now know that i'm gay because that is just how my brain is wired
when you jokingly told me the ****** broke I still didn't get pregnant
I now know that there is no such thing as a "good guy"
there are only people and their morals
I tell everyone that I hate you but the only way I could stop talking to you was by moving away.
I'm not in love with you but I miss our all nighters and the dinners we would make for each other.
you made me feel like i was the only one that mattered and that i was the most stunning and powerful woman in existence.
Although I plan on never seeing you again I am still stumped about the way you made me feel.
our relationship was just as messy and confusing as this poem
you are officially the most mysterious thing that ever happened to me.