Pens scattered with lack of ink
paper torn, its hard to think

mind so scattered, heart so torn
my clothes are ***** and my shoes are worn

ive lost so much in this deadly fight
against no one but me, myself, and i.

like my focus on the things i love
the meaning behind warm human touch
my strength, my sight, my will to live
the nervousness before a kiss
my vision
my dreams
how it feels to spread my wings
and ride the wind without a care
because though i didnt know where i was going
i knew God was taking me there

this clock keeps ticking, driving me mad
my head keeps spinning as the seconds pass

with each new second
i recall another mistake from my past
i want to use all my strength left
to break this **** glass

bc the ******* the other side of this mirror
looks much too unfamiliar.

They say to look inside yourself
to find out where to start
but its all empty
except some tired lungs, a drowned-in-liquor liver
and a shattered heart.

ive got nothing left to give
i gave it all away
to all the things that promised
to take away the pain

tried to find myself
in the bottom of those bottles
and the pills that i would swallow
and all the smoke that left my eyes red
lungs gray
and mind hollow

i lost myself in the journey to find me

i guess sometimes we have to learn who were not
before we figure out who we are

i learned that i cant find myself in the things that destroy me,
but rather in the things that build who i am

like the worn pages of my old bible
the words of the songs that make me smile
like the hands of a loved one who never let go
in the spaces between their fingers, where i place my own
like the song of the birds, soaring through the sky
promising i will get new wings

and again i will fly