Wheel barrels full of hay
A golden sea reach with withered and whispered
Palms
I pack my bags at long last.

Mama tries to prep me
For sights unseen
I send an email
Acknowledging the hardships.

I wonder if he thinks on what I've shared
I wonder if he thinks on how I tried to be there
You said you were sad to leave me
Kissing me on the street
I became consumed with your absence
Teetering between support and madness
My paranoia reflected in green and pink
I thought you were better
I thought you were stronger than that.

Since you came into my life
I have found myself thinking of other women
As competitors
A sensation, an awareness
I have never really felt before
And though you are gone
I still feel it
I think about how you would probably like them
Would you talk to them
Would you look or talk to them
In front of me?

I shake off the bacteria
That has formed alongside the ridges
Of the heart that has felt less healthy lately
I wish that you could hold me
And look into my eyes
The way you have so many times before
Seeing what you see.

I don't want to ask for anything else from you
Standing in front of the sink
Or sitting on the edge of the bed
Didn't mean for this to carry on
But you had it carry on
You carried me on.

I leave tomorrow
I'll go do what I must do
My eyes close heavily
I breathe in
I breathe out
Onward

As always.