what's wrong with 100 units in a week?
the headline of
the times's T2 supplement
magazine, from Tuesday,
August 21st 2018...
what isn't?!

            i figured, since i can't solve
crossword puzzles,
i'd give myself a handicap
solving a sudoku puzzle...

  100 units?
   wait... wait... let me do the arithmetic..
on the odd occasion an
extra 4.1 units from the cider...
most days?
           40 units... per whiskey / *****
bottle, per day...
    x7?

               ****...

4 x 7?
           3 x 7 = 21...

oh... so what's wrong with 280 units
per week,
per year,
per year in the count of 7+ years
with the odd "rehab" break visiting my
grandparents
for the holidays for a month,
where i, not once...
experienced cold turkey withdraw
symptoms...

cleaned my grandfather's room...
read Prus' magnum opus novel
doll... etc...
   fixed up my grandparent's kitchen...
100 units per week?
*****...

              if you're not hitting
the magic 280 units number...
what are you drinking? ***** juice?!
ha ha... let me guess...
red wine...
     dare i say:
          ******* on rosé pop-sickles?!

****... if not the magic cider...
then always a beer walking back
from the supermarket with a pint of
some Bavarian or Dutch brew...
give or take...
let's just call it 280+ units per week,
per year, for the past 7+ or so years...

   but, if my guess i bull's eye...
i hate coffee...
    my zenith epitome of a dinner?
oven fries,
   pulled pork, a fried egg...
some english tomato chutney...
and a smoothie...
bananas, granny smith apples
from south Africa...
natural yogurt, milk...
a bit of sugar...
   and vanilla extract...

                 it's like binging on your
own farts, or something equivalent,
in a really crowded public space,
preferably a space, designated
for transit, at peak hour,
like the london underground at 5pm...

naturally, there is a funny
proof for the theory of solipsism...
the saying goes...
everyone, EVERYONE "loves"
the smell of their own farts...
men? can sit on the throne of thrones
for 40+ minutes
massaging their prostate
by relaxing their **** into
the throne of throne ****
expansions, and never mind the smell...

there you go... solipsism...
people like their own stink...
can't deny it...
              
(insert snigger):
100 units per week...
   but of course... it has to be "MAJOR" news
supplementary "reporting"...
     i do 280+ in week and
rarely slur my words (since i rarely
speak when drinking)...
and?
     ah, you know...
circa 2 alcohol poisonings in public...
so?
   i stopped drinking with people...
it's enough that i'm the sort of nagging
drunk that pushes the ******* from
mush brain to relocate the alphabet
into words and sentences.