Another night passes on through
I've gotten to where when the clock tells me it is
12:30am

I give up
Well
I think
Another night
No call.

You said you would
I think of all the ways to deal
I reach and I reach
And I know not to take it personally.

I stood among potted plants
On the deck of a man's apartment
He told me about his recent divorce
I told him of my parents
He asked me what type of man
I'm interested in on the way home.

I don't ever want to get a divorce
And I feel thankful I'm not in a situation
Where I've signed my life away right now
But I came home after
And I felt the lonliness
Of an empty apartment
And no loyal lover
To greet me.

Some people try to tell me
I should just be so happy and feel lucky
That this didn't happen to me when I was younger
Don't say that.
Don't say that to people.

I spend many of my moments
Reflecting back on everything
As a grown *** woman, a grown *** woman
Trying to make her way through this ******* life
Wanting to find love, deciding I don't need love right now, watching my family fall apart
A business owner
A southern belle.

Sometimes it feels hard to want to exist.