Aug 2018
I forced the tears out to be spoiled
A little girl everyone was used to
It was only a fuss
It was only water with salt
And then i brought on a thousand headaches
Whining
Screaming
Yelling
I knew how to make mom and dad crazy
I didnt know;
I just knew how to get my way
Older;
A little distant now
The tears were made out of selfishness
Things became thrown
Doors were slamming
My way, or no way;
I knew how to yell
I knew how to scream
I knew how to silence everyone until i came home
The tears came out for nothing
A little weaker now
My eyes;
Wide open
I introduced a weapon
Now i learned how to really cry for something
Broken thoughts became tinier
And then the cuts turned into scars
I needed an escape
Sorrow had replaced happiness now
Not when i was a baby
Not when i was a little girl
Memories remain
Pictures remain
And my tears drown me with pain
I felt so alone
But i loved being alone
And then suddenly i knew what alone really meant;
So then i understood what crying was really about
I broken heart,
A broken soul
A dead heart,
A dead soul
A goodbye forever
A hello to my fears
As i wake from my nightmares,
I cannot see
My eyes are shut tight
And then i became scared to open up to see
I couldnt breathe
Drenched with sweat, i was going crazy
And then i felt the tears again
Now im out of control; i bleed
The harm i force on myself,
I just want myself to leave
As i release such hateful tears,
The mirror i stare into shatters my body and makes me broken
I learned how to bleed;
I learned another way to cry
The fears have taken over now
My mind became my enemy now
The past that was broken never got repaired
Now is when I memorized what crying is
As i close my eyes i think of what i have done, what i lost, and what i continue to do
Hyperventilation,
Anxiety,
Depression,
Moodswings,
Self-mutilation
The tears from my childhood didnt make me understand;
It made be spoiled and silenced
Now i understand,
Now i learned
I learned how to cry the hard way
For pain
For loss
For scars
For the past
For harm
For memories
For the blood i lost when i couldnt cry anymore
A little girl everyone was used to
It was only a fuss
It was only water with salt
And then i brought on a thousand headaches
Whining
Screaming
Yelling
I knew how to make mom and dad crazy
I didnt know;
I just knew how to get my way
Older;
A little distant now
The tears were made out of selfishness
Things became thrown
Doors were slamming
My way, or no way;
I knew how to yell
I knew how to scream
I knew how to silence everyone until i came home
The tears came out for nothing
A little weaker now
My eyes;
Wide open
I introduced a weapon
Now i learned how to really cry for something
Broken thoughts became tinier
And then the cuts turned into scars
I needed an escape
Sorrow had replaced happiness now
Not when i was a baby
Not when i was a little girl
Memories remain
Pictures remain
And my tears drown me with pain
I felt so alone
But i loved being alone
And then suddenly i knew what alone really meant;
So then i understood what crying was really about
I broken heart,
A broken soul
A dead heart,
A dead soul
A goodbye forever
A hello to my fears
As i wake from my nightmares,
I cannot see
My eyes are shut tight
And then i became scared to open up to see
I couldnt breathe
Drenched with sweat, i was going crazy
And then i felt the tears again
Now im out of control; i bleed
The harm i force on myself,
I just want myself to leave
As i release such hateful tears,
The mirror i stare into shatters my body and makes me broken
I learned how to bleed;
I learned another way to cry
The fears have taken over now
My mind became my enemy now
The past that was broken never got repaired
Now is when I memorized what crying is
As i close my eyes i think of what i have done, what i lost, and what i continue to do
Hyperventilation,
Anxiety,
Depression,
Moodswings,
Self-mutilation
The tears from my childhood didnt make me understand;
It made be spoiled and silenced
Now i understand,
Now i learned
I learned how to cry the hard way
For pain
For loss
For scars
For the past
For harm
For memories
For the blood i lost when i couldnt cry anymore
