I thought i was so normal
Nothing bothered me
Nothing feared me
Nothing would come over me
I thought this would last forever
But the thoughts i had were all so fake..
The goodnight kisses that stopped
I wanted to stop caring
The conversations that ended
I wanted to stop listening
The calmness in the voice changed
I continuously gave attitude
The sweetness of the personality switched
I became angry
The warm house that held me
I never was home
The room that kept me
I kept slamming the door
The phone that kept ringing
I always hung up
The school that educated me
I kept failing
The knives that lay hidden inside the drawers
I took them, i used them, onto my arms
The money that was spent
I just through away
The help that was brought
I didnt want in the end
They noticed the change
And i denied it all
The nights i left without saying goodnight
The conversations always turned into fights
My voice kept getting louder and my nerves wouldnt stop shaking
My personality would confuse me because it was always changing
My door kept everyone out
So they left me alone and never bothered to shout
Hung up the phone after screaming and yelling
Friends always asking cathy why you snapping
Failing; didnt give a **** about walking the school halls
Everynight, no sleep
Everynight, i bleed
Everynight, drowned myself with alcohol
When i was asked what happen to my arms
I just said nothing
The questions were always ignored
Money came money went
Spending with anger and depression so everything was spent
The fear the anger, the worry, because they were trying to help
They only wanted to save me from myself
What was happening
I really didnt know
I hoped it would all end
I just wanted this negativity to go
I pushed so many people away
Most importantly my own family
Then they were scared to even look at me
I had never stopped and took the time to say sorry
Everything was at its worst
I made the person i wanted to be
I didnt know how i had hurt
I just wanted my mind to stop having contact with me
I made everyone give up
I made everyone scared
I made everyone not talk to me
The people that i loved just wanted to be there
My tears wouldnt stop
I didnt know why this was happening
So confused, i just left it alone
So confused, so i just let myself go
I wanted it to stop
I was so out of control
Why did i hurt people i loved
Why did i even hurt myself
I knew i was slowly fading away