The colour red,
Took over all the other colours;
As my anger takes over all emotions.
Like a switch that turns on in my head;
Im suddenly alert at what tends to strike me.
I feels like Ive been hit with a thousand bricks.
It feels like Ive been burned with fire.
It feels like Im choking,
& so I try to grasp for air.
It feels like my heart stops working each time.
It feels like my body collapses all together.
Its at the moment that my mind thinks its ok to allow me to snap;
Allow me to lose my temper.
Im wanting to control myself,
But I keep losing my mind.
I cant find the strength to control myself.
Im guilty of anger.
Im guilty of going off the deep end;
& finally drowning.
I only find my strength when Im strong enough to lose control.
So violent;
The doors I slam.
The things I throw.
The floor that I bang.
My hair that I pull.
My skin that I pierce.
My vioce that I project.
My whole body;
That creates a storm.
Im so full of rage.
Its a nervous heart beat,
Pounding through my chest.
Instead of breathing,
Im gasping for air.
Im unable to relax;
I overreact at each situation.
I feel so trapped inside my body;
Like there is something inside me that wont escape.
Its making me go crazy,
As it controls me.
So hard when I try to calm myself down.
The more I try,
The more outta control I get.
My nerves wont stop shaking.
My heart wont stop pounding.
My mind wont stop racing.
Acting before thinking,
Im physically dangerous.
Thinking before acting,
Im mentally wanting to **** myself.
I wish I knew what to do.
I wish I knew how to deal with everything.
I wish I knew how to control myself.