Im still feeling the pain.
Im still feeling the sorrow.
Im still heart broken.
Im still in shock.
Im still crying.
And Im still grieving.
I just cant get over it.
& when I think of you,
I cry even more.
I cry even harder.
I cry even louder.
I thought I could control myself,
But my emotions keep controlling me.
& Im still falling on the floor;
Inside my tears,
Drowning;
Unable to breathe.
My heart keeps pumping faster,
Because its racing to find the other piece thats missing.
& I have not adjusted myself.
Im still broken.
All the pieces will never be found & put back together.
When you died,
A part of me died;
& the other part is still suffering.
I still go through your pictures,
& pass by your room with sadness.
& Im still crying every single night.
I dont think I will ever get over it.
Losing you,
Made me lose myself completely;
& Ive died inside my body.
Losing you,
Made me go even more crazy.
I thought this whole year was a nightmare that wouldnt end;
Then I realized your never coming back.
& when you passed,
A huge wound opened up inside me;
Outside me;
& is still open,
& is still bleeding.
Im still learning how to breathe once again.
I suddenly stopped,
When your breathing stopped.
My heart is still pounding fast,
Because its trying to catch up from the day it ended;
With yours.
Im trying to cope with you not being here.
Im trying to pretend your on a long vacation,
For a long while.
Im trying to block out all the negativity.
Im trying to focus.
Im trying to hide my depression.
Im trying to find happiness again.
Im trying to live the way I used to live.
But the key word is,
I cant.
Its a year today since you've been gone,
The first anniversary since you passed.
& Im still feeling that you've died just recently.
So many flashbacks today.
So many breakdowns today.
I just cant get a smile on my face.
I just cant stop the tears.
I will never get over it.
I will never stop crying.
I will never stop grieving.
I will always remember you.
I will always love you.
R.I.P Mom