It hasnt changed
Im still haunted by fear
Im still terrified of the darkness
My anxiety has not yet stopped,
Because Im still hyperventilating.
Im still stopping to hear if any sounds are present.
My heart is still racing.
My hot flashes are still burning me.
Im still drowning in my sweat.
Im still spinning from the dizziness.
I cannot stand the silence.
The music just breaks it.
I cannot stand my hallucinations anymore.
I try to distract myself.
I cannot stand my depression anymore.
Self-mutilation allows me to relax.
Too many memories are involved in the night.
Too much of the past that turns to the present while I close my eyes.
& the future will always be my fear.
If I fall asleep,
Will I wake up choking again?
Will I wake up crying again?
Will I wake up screaming again?
Will I wake up hyperventilating again?
Its unknown what my mind holds.
Its unknown what my mind is going to hide from me.
I cant take this **** anymore.
Because I have completely forgotten what sleep is.
..Is it a nightmare?
Is it waking up 5 times a night?
Is it staying up the whole night?
No.
This is once again,
Insomnia.
Its continuously staying with me.
I have figured it out,
That it will never leave me.
This deadly disease will stay with me forever.