My arms reach up,
But never brought back down.
Im down on my knees;
& I dont know how to get up.
Im still falling
Im slowly weakening
Im slowly in pain
I feel as though my walls are sound-proof,
& that my door always locks me up inside.
I feel as though my windows wont open;
& that my phone has died.
I keep waiting,
But I feel that Im waiting for nothing.
Because Im still in the same spot that I started.
I havent budged,
I havent moved,
I havent spoken,
I havent even slept.
& so Ive had nightmares with my eyes open;
& dreamt that things would go back to normal.
I just wanna sleep through the storms of drama,
& wake up to the sun shining on everything thats back to normal.
I just wanna stop the future and relive the past.
The past that was full of happiness,
& not the past that was full of sadness.
If I can just go back,
I would change everything.
I feel that everything has just turned its back on me;
Because everything was my fault.
& I feel guilty because I did nothing to prevent such a tornado;
That tore everything apart.
I wanted to do so much;
Help so many;
But I just couldnt trust myself.
Not capable of anything;
Not successful in anything;
& not smart in anytihng.
I just keep holding my hands out to the mirror,
But the enemy wont take me.
There is no communication with myself anymore.
I do things;
& behind my own back,
Im slowly killing myself.
Lord, I dont wanna ask for your help anymore;
Because you've done too much for me.
& yet you have saved me;
When I should have been left to die.
& in the end I keep disrespecting you;
& so I keep apologizing;
& you keep giving me way too many chances;
I feel as though I have been taking advantage of you;
Because I made it clear to you that I cannot help myself anymore.
I just wanna change everything;
But all my strength has been tortured from all the anger.
All my strength has been tortured from all the stress.
All my strength has been tortured from all the anxiety.
All my strength has been tortured from all the fear.
& all my strength was tortured from me.
Im all on my own,
& I dont know what Im doing anymore.
Years of tolerance has forced me down the wrong path.
I am now a complete mess with everything.
Im unable to guide myself.
Im unable to help myself.
I have completely given up;
Because theres nothing I can do for myself anymore.