Like the colour black,
It has taken white's place;
Right in front of my eyes.
It has washed away my ability to see the future,
& while everyone steps into the light,
I still remain trapped in the darkness.
I force myself to think the sky is always grey,
As I stare at the ground.
People notice the blue sky;
Because they keep their heads up,
While Im always facing down.
Energy & strength was forced out of my body;
Because Im always behind,
When people are ahead of me.
They walk fast,
While I walk slow.
When everyone is talking,
I face the other way.
I refuse to let out a sound,
So I choose to stay quiet.
I keep myself locked up inside;
No interest in stepping out the door.
I have forgotten what the wind feels like.
I have forgotten how hot the sun is.
& I have forgotten the smell of nature.
I dream of horror.
Everything is dark & black.
I only see sadness & hopelessness,
Like I see everyday.
I only notice what haunts me.
& Im just watching scary movies every night;
But with my eyes closed.
I just disguise myself,
So noone notices me.
I just keep my arms covered,
To save people from talking.
My moods are always down.
They never boost up high.
& so Im always drowning;
Because Im always crying.
& even though Im walking down a hall,
I feel as if Im walking through a dark path,
That has been pulled out of my nightmares.
& Whenever I enter my room,
I feel as if Im re-entering a cage that Im unable to escape from.
I feel always at fault
I feel always embarrassed
I feel always no self-respect,
Or self-esteem
I feel the need to escape
I feel the need to hide
I feel the need to cry
I feel the need to die