i lined my eyes
in black
today

it was the last thing that i did

i told my daughter
that i wasn’t going to cry

“cover girls don’t cry
after their face is made”

maybelline
was my armor
those black lines
my lines battle lines
drawn in the sand

i could look at myself in the mirror
only after i knew what i would see
looking back

the jagged shapes
devil’s geometry
that has made up my reflection
suddenly rounded
slid into “real” life
black lines said it was okay to look
i was safe from my own shrapnel

i know that girl
the face is made

you go into your jungle
with your camouflage
i don’t question whether or not
you know which hues of earth
desert sand silt mud moss
to use as your invisibility cloak

don’t question my choices of medium
black lines made to enhance
what they all want to see
made to hide in plain sight
everything none of them deserve

i have my own jungles
my paint just looks different than yours

this is the first time i have looked
myself in the eyes
in over three months

my lines are so flawless
practiced and perfected
even i get distracted
by contrast and shape
a glitter misread
by the lie

i haven’t worn this mask in a while
i found it still fits like an old glove

i know what my eyes can do
slant to seek
quick wink one corner
mouth slightly upturned
in a hint

i move men with only a glance
watch me bring you to your knees

its the same old game
i don’t want to play anymore

but i lined my eyes in black tonight
i put on this mask
“after their face is made”
so i play anyway
i’m not here to make friends
i’m not here to play nice anymore

i just want to taste the way you bleed