I'm not in pain anymore,
not the same pain I was in.
it's different somehow,
like I'm homesick for a home,
that was never mine.
I never belonged here,
knew that much for far too long,
far too young.
now as I sit on my bed,
trying to feel the pain of two years ago,
I realize it's what's keeping me alive.
this undiscovered hatred for everything you all did,
the seething rage of what I've become,
it's what I make myself feel.

because pain lasts.

now as I pull the covers over my head,
moonlight showering this room,
in this house,
I understand it all.
the smiles I flash may be real,
but in the truth of the night,
in this sense of forgotten feeling,
it's all I can do to stay awake,

because anything is better than feeling numb.