when my old best friend
casually says
"******"
while i sit in the front seat of her car
texting my girlfriend
i feel my stomach flip
i sit
in her car
silent
i do not try to correct her
i try to erase the conversation
we had about queer parents
i try to erase our memories
from when we were children
i try not to hate myself
for being hopeful that one day
she could change
i try to remember
that i am not in the wrong
she is
but i can feel the hatred
burning my skin and
cutting me open
i know that if i take too deep of a breath
i will break down
and i don't know
where to go from here
is it wrong for me to hope
one day she will be better
how do i stop
holding on
and on
to the plans we made as children
to stand up at each others weddings
is it wrong of me
to so badly want
to forgive her