You know
today I am okay
with being me
It is a fleeting thing
I can't lay dreams on it
or decide to life my life a certain way
but I can play my music a little less loud
and walk more softly
and be a little less scared of hearing what
my voice is struggling to say
I can entertain your company
without losing a little more of myself in your stories

It won't stay like this
I'll forget it in time, maybe minutes or days
and there will be no sense to be seen
my scattered personality will be scuffed
and rummaging for answers

it is so easy to forget

until the next time I arrive at fine
there will be highs and lows
and slow, slow walks home in the dark
past speedy days of phones and furious typing
trying to wipe the list clean and failing
sleeping fitfully as clients' orders flit through my dreams
switching off lights but not minds

not mine

but today
I feel fine
I am rested
relaxed and restored
reconciled to another quick week which feels rug-pulled from under my feet
while the world calls me lucky
without knowing my values

but no use in complaining
today I'm okay
and I'm grateful for that:
I know what it feels like to not be.