lodged between thoughts in the middle of the night
you creep up on me and steal little pieces of me,
for safe keeping, you say;
you are guarding them
but i miss myself when i am alone
and it is still and quiet outside

i need a cup of tea
and while the kettle boils
the cold granite counter grounds me;
for a split second
i am just someone
standing at a counter, waiting for the kettle to boil

but the steam on my face grows cold
and it reminds me of your volatile love
i like you better when you’re hot
and the warmth in my throat is exactly the opposite
of grounding
which is why
i need a cup of tea

what are you doing to me?
there is a deep well inside me
that always needs to be filled
by anything i can provide, but the ever-present hunger has never left me
and now it is shaped in such a way
that only you can satisfy it
and i keep trying to satiate my hunger
and i write
but none of it makes sense
and i fall in love with another guy
but i don’t really love him
at all

i don’t love you either
i just can’t get rid of you
because you are stuck in every joint in my body
in the air that i breathe
and i think
you probably hate being stuck there
just as much as i hate the discomfort of carrying your weight
but it’s not that easy
to pick my brain, my body apart
and extract you

so i make a cup of tea
and try to go to sleep.