there’s such thing as selective memory that’s what my mom told me apparently i have it that’s what she told me too see there are certain memories i will never forget about my mom they’re burned into my brain like a match to my skin that will never fade and i cant help but notice in the worst times and in the best times these memories are what i turn to for support first memory it was last year i had a best friend that had turned on me she had other people text me and tell me what a terrible person i was i had targets on my back 24/7 they never left their words hanging onto me like burrs that stick to my clothes and one night i was sitting at the counter with my mom and she tells me she feels like i’m hiding something like my spirit isn’t as high as usual and so i tell her i tell her about the girls and about the boys that are trying to make my life miserable that are making me feel like i’m walking on thin ice and any minute it could crack and i could fall through and she just sits there and listens like it’s the most important thing in the world so attentive that even the sound of rocks falling wouldn’t distract her from how i’m feeling right now and when i finish there’s a silence that hangs in the air like a feather slowly falling down down down and then she speaks and she says tess i can feel your pain in your words i know you’re hurting i know it feels like this is never going to end but trust me it will and you know how i know that? because you are a bright smart kind beautiful intelligent young woman that isn’t gonna let this ruin her days and these girls they don’t have anything better to do so they take their anger out on you but you need to rise above and be the better person that i know you **** well are and that is the speech i always carry with me it never leaves my side that’s what gets me through the hardest days and i will never forget how i felt after she told me this second memory i was in the shower when i heard my mom tell my dad my aunt that had stage four cancer just passed she wasn’t expected to live much longer so i had been preparing myself for this news but somehow when i heard it it’s like i hadn’t prepared myself at all it was like a tornado that was expected to come but still i hadn’t prepared myself with the right supplies as im in the shower and i hear this news my knees go weak i sit down and take it in and cry and let the water run down not being able to tell the difference between the water and my tears and when i’m finally able to stand up again i get out of the shower put on my clothes go down stairs and run into my moms arms we are both crying both feeling my aunt with us knowing that even in these hard times we are never ever alone i stayed in my moms arms for so long not wanting to let go knowing if i did i would have to come back to reality so we stayed in each other’s arms crying for so long and in that moment i knew i’d never be alone there are so many memories my mom and i have made and these memories are what will pull me out of the dark on the worst days like a rope pulling me up from a hole i’ve fallen in not knowing what i would do if i didn’t have that rope not knowing what i would do if i didn’t have my mom she is what’s saved me from the darkest days and she is what’s made the best days better i love you mom