I despise myself
and every selfish molecule in my body
my own traitorous flesh
clings to my rotted soul
with such strong emotion
but I can't pin the source
living in shame and guilt
trapped here by the speculation of others
secretly yearning for your validation
just to know I'm worth
a smile or a second glance
but to expect the best is to receive the worst
so I'll never lift my head to check
I'd rather doubt you than hope to death

whats worse than losing someone you love?
knowing there's no one you love to lose you.