I'm selfish. Hell no I don't want you to be happy with him. I don't even want you to be thinking about him. The only guy I will ever truly want you thinking about is me. Sure I'm selfish for wanting you even though I'm not sure you ever even really wanted me in the first place. Looking back at the nights you asked me to stay but I said no because I didn't want it to happen that way. I didn't want you to be able to blame the alcohol for what happened. Those nights are some of my biggest regrets, all I had to do was say yes, stay with you, have a few more drinks, see what would occur. It could've been nothing, problem is it also could've been everything. All the feelings could've poured from your lips until yours met mine in a kiss that sparked wildfires. Walls and clothes could've been shed as we became one heart and one being for even a minute. Could've been the start of forever between us. The only forever I have ever actually planned on. It could've been nothing, maybe a few more drinks until we both just passed out on the couches, music still playing, dog still bouncing around looking to play. Wake up the next morning heads pounding feeling ***** for all the wrong reasons. Memories are all I have left of you. All these words I've spewed onto these pages. He has you though, in his arms, in his bed, in his heart. I'm selfish. It ****** me off that all I have to hold are the same bottles we held those nights. Not knowing if it would've been everything or nothing makes me hate myself more everyday I wake up alone. I don't care if it broke his heart, sent him in a downward spiral, dropped him into this pit I live in while I rose out of it. Give me one more of those nights. One last chance to make everything happen. Let me justify this selfishness by proving to me it wasn't only me who wanted all of it. Be selfish with me for a night, you could love it almost as much as I do. We could live together selfishly. Who needs him, not me and not you. I have you, you have me, we could live selfishly.