It starts off as crying this time.
You think you’re just crying.

My chest feels heavy and my throat is tightening.

My mind is racing and I keep repeating:
“It’s too late. It’s too late. It’s too late.”
“You can’t stop it. You can’t stop it. You can’t stop it.”

All of a sudden I can’t breath.
I feel like someone is punching my head while they sit on my chest, choking me.

I didn’t know my eyes could leak this much.

It’s happening again.
I’m having a panic attack.

It’s as if all the people around me become invisible.
I can’t hear them anymore.
My head is pounding so hard it hurts.

I sit down.
I ride it out.
I try to slow my breathing.
I keep having little flare ups.

I eventually stop.
I feel numb.
My head hurts.
My face hurts.
My back and ribs hurt.
I feel dry.
My legs and arms won’t stop shaking.

I try to sleep.
I can’t.
It’s as if my body wants to rest but my mind won’t let it.

I finally fall asleep.
I wake up.
I still feel horrible.

I forget what happened for a moment before it all comes rushing back again.

I don’t want to move anymore.
I feel numb again.
I keep replaying it over and over and over.

This will eventually pass like the others.
But god I hate this.