Who am I now
I have been hurting
In the workplace, at home, in my own body
I feel broken
Forsaken
By a God no longer living

I'm with people
I feel alone
Thoughts sparked
Train running
I don't open my mouth
Crash landing in the tunnel
My hands are shaking

Should have let it out
Should have wrote it down
Now I'm choking on my ideas and thoughts
Now I'm drowning in my stubborn loneliness

I'm still with people
I open my mouth
Jumbled words fall out
I ask about them and they ask about me
No stimulation
Just simple small talk
No conversation

They're knocking on my skull asking whats happening
I throw my hands up and tell them I'm trying
They give awkward stares
Sometimes knowing eyes and understanding nods

But I flare and wear and tear myself apart
Grow out all my hair then shave it all off
Search inside every lost memory
Rethink through every philosophy
Reincarnate every fiber in my being
Recreate my everything

I'm soul searching and soul mate flirting

Because this is the middle
These are the moments that matter
This growing experience is just me climbing the ladder
This sick game we live in
These money controlled societies
They don't care about the essence of you
The tears and feeling blue
The messages the world and God send you
Its up to you
You can fight it
But do not forget the people behind you
Your bonds are unbreakable
Your God is unstoppable
My God this world around me
This atmosphere running through me
I can't feel whats around me
My mind has gone crazy
I'm just trying to save me, baby
I am trying
The world has gotten me by the neck
(Lord, help me)
But I am fighting to win my heart back
From these devil memories

I am living the yin yang
I thrash in my sleep
I am back and forth between Mundale and Westfield
Slacking on making my poems into songs
Do not doubt my masculinity just because I am a woman
I am stronger than any of you men
Don't **** with me
-Amen.