I curse alcohol whilst drunk
but return to the bottle each night
empty promises to myself
words spoken yet action avoided

I only loathe drugs when high
but every morning i itch for another hit
another blurred emotion
a charade of self respect
only presenting itself during my sinful indulgences

I'm self rightous when i return to your bed
claims of my higher standing
announced only when you lay ontop of me
every other second i spend thirsty for your attention

My thoughts chant lies when guilty
repeating the exaggeration of my worth
******* speeches to myself
calms my hypocritical nerves

My concious is trying to save me from my own judgement
creating temporary insight to make me feel adequate
but thoughts are not real words let alone real actions
they count for nothing
only fulfilling my own desire to feel worth more than i am