A draft I never published
by @acca
Hi, I'm sorry this is a little overdue.
I want you to understand how empty I feel today.
I know, I know...
Everyone gets sad once in a while
but for me,
I get happy once in a while.
My innate emotion is sadness
but sometimes I think I feel real happiness.
But I'm here to tell you about today.
Today, I had a full day off of work.
I have three jobs
and today I didn't have to go to any.
Sometimes I fear a day like this,
I fear I won't be able to book all the time up in my day
I fear that if I stay in bed for too long I won't get out of it
I fear that I will eat too much
I fear that I won't eat enough
I fear that I will have to socialize too much
I fear that I will be too alone
I fear that I will let my thoughts consume me.
And today, they did. They consumed me.
I feel like I am deep in that hole again,
that dark place I go to when I don't have distractions.
It is the moment I realize I am not happy,
I've just been distracted for the past couple of weeks.