I remember wanting to eat and eating and letting it
digest and not have tears rolling down my eyes as I watch my breakfast swirl down the toilet while I hold onto my toothbrush with my life they say bad habits are hard to break well now I feel I'm falling back down that hole of feeling worthless feeling as if I don't deserve to eat like I'm not worth that spoonful of cereal or that bite of the apple you gave me to eat and watched me chew and swallow every bit until it was the core and stem left in the palm of my hands and inside I wanted to run and cry because I didn't think I deserved that apple but this time you were watching me you were watching me so I couldn't go and throw it up somewhere far enough away where you couldn't hear me so you couldn't stop me I remember the times a toothbrush was just to brush my teeth