And I wrote...till it hurt...till everything made sense. .till my decisions were ones that I could erase and rewrite till the memories were the ones that I could read over till I was OK
It wasn't until last year that I realised that memories mean more to me than people do
It wasn't until that time I realised giving up on something meant more than just letting go...it was giving up the pieces of myself that I no longer wanted...the pieces that made me feel dead inside until I realised it was those that kept me alive!
Till I scratched every part of me that matters
Till I sat down and cried...not over my sadness but over my loss...
Till that little girl with big dreams was dead
Till she thought all her hopes away and let it escape her until there was nothing left but doubt
Till...well till she looked up and saw a face that she no longer recognised
She blamed herself...for everything that fell a part , everything that hurt, telling /forcing herself to keep it together when she knew she couldn't
Imagine...being so empty and not having anything left inside worth saving,  worth fighting for.
Till eventually it's not worth it all and the only way to escape...is too survive through it . In hopes of one day not feeling anything.
Till..well till she's able to open her eyes and breathe again.
Apologies is all she's ever known so when she's mentally gone...I hope you'll forgive her...till then. ..she stays..