I miss you,
Can't you tell?*

The way my fingers intertwine
on themselves, looking for a hand to hold,
yours were always so small,
despite your rough exterior,
I took every flaw into consideration,
tasted it, held it,      felt it
in my being, and when I told you
that I love imperfections,
I meant yours
and only yours
It was always this simple,
and always this complicated
And we are still breathing here
with our eyes blinded by
our past, the moments when
we became caught up in our
own crafted demise,
when we weren't strong enough
to just say, "No."

I carry you around with me,
like an old picture kept in a locket
chained around my neck,
holding me down,
and the heaviness rests
beside my heart, as it slowly
seeps into
me
I've tried to wear you well,
you would never know,
but others look at me like they
know my hidden secret,
In the way that I walk,
in the way my smile curves
downward, and
I realize
if I don't let you go,
it will be the end of me,
I always wondered how I
could lay beside you at night
and not say a word,
listen to you breathe,
and talk in your dreams,
even then you battled your
demons in secret,
in the times you thought
I wasn't listening,

but I was.