the mind is resilient
it bends never breaking,
with eyes open one may see his suffering for what it is
and decide what it is not
and though tangled like willows in the wind
he may begin to see the grief for what it is
and what it is not
his eyes had become accustomed to searching,
frantically unscrambling obscure clues
only to be drunk with dyslexia
shaken with remorse and morbidly curious about his self professed
diseases
this type of deciphering was not by accident
perhaps a brains mechanism to continue a lie that could only be ferried by denial,
and so with eyes in focus the truth is his to decide upon,
the mind became curious with intense wonder
the heart was shaky and unsure but steady in the same instance
the body, well the body didn't say much except stop drinking whine and eat something Jordan
, and as the collapse of my  world had happened seemingly happened overnight
so did the presence of the truth instinctively become boldly defined like the mindful stars between the  pauses in time against  the vast emptyness of space. and although this truth was painful
i had decided not to hide nor run, not conceal, but rather to see it for what it is
and decide what it is not
and maybe my suffering was never needed,
im thinking that although you may feel my thoughts
i too can feel yours
and it is a comforting limbo to rest my bones,
knowing we are not the mindless machines they bred and groomed
with every cunning tool at their disposal

and perhaps maybe you might have a place for me beside you,
sins forgiven,
lies unravelled and made clear
and maybe it had always been the card i was too afraid to play
the joker had seen my spirit crippled and obliviously defeated
the king had been denied a loyal queen,
the 7 deuce, well **** i got really lucky a few times with that one
but it was time to play the ace, in hopes that the jokes were not in vain
and years spent cast down into the darkness had served a purpose
maybe than could i forgive myself for my social suicide