Smoke
     a smell
         of smoke
      smelling smoke
    a smell of smoke and
the view of my backyard with all the broken engines and rusted cars that nobody cared enough about to do anything with and
                           a bluish arm hangs out one of the car windows and I can almost see the cigarette I was smoking
that night out in that husk of a car so my parents wouldn't see,
       I had lived here all of my twelve years in this ivy covered house and I remember
                  the day my brother overdosed and died in his ****** sleep
and
      the night my sister snuck out the window to meet her boyfriend,
cover for me she said
                                           Okay I said
                                          Whatever I said
                                        No, I'm going out
I remember living here and having friends over
             smoking **** for the first time
             playing videogames
             feeling angry
I'm angry now, feels like I've always been,
angry,
anger but feeling it through a curtain
can I feel or touch or,
                                         I need to try
                       my baseball bat
                      here it is
  and I hold it,
it's aluminum but I can't quite feel it
but it doesn't matter cuz I can hold it
and if I can hold it I can use it
I can bash that *******'s head in
    and before I leave I wonder if he could see me
but it doesn't matter
                                          I can see him