I feel it coursing my veins.
The toxins slowly killing me.
Yet giving me the energy to keep living.
I’m happy, but my mind.
My mind is filled with destructive thoughts.
As I walk this miserable, joyous Earth,
A snow begins to fall.
It’s peaceful at first.
I reach out my hand and catch an ashy flake.
Confusion flushes my mind.
Looking out, I notice a woman.
A happy woman.
A woman I wish I could become.
The ashes fall quicker and heavier as I approach her.
I am now standing face to face with this angel of ecstasy.
This angel who is glowing with pure bliss.
The ashes continue to rain
As I search for some kind of recognition in this woman’s eyes.
And finally, as the final ashes fall,
The pieces have now aligned in my mind.
This woman is me.
The old me.
The happier me.
These ashes that have now fallen still at my feet
Resemble the pain I have endured.
These ashes that lay at rest between
Who I am and who I was represents a journey.
A journey filled with emotions and memories that I cannot even begin to describe.
Now I must make a choice.
Stay this dark, humble woman.
Or begin that journey back to the light.