I Don’t Know
And I don’t think I ever have
Known what really matters to me
Sometimes I do but it doesn’t make much of a difference anyway
I’m no better than I was before
And I don’t think I will ever be
Anything more than just another
Beginning without an end
How did I ever get so lost?
Walking down the wrong path.
Refusing to listen to your true self.

I can remember snapshots of color
Images wrapped in VHS tape and
Forever frozen and left to crystallize in plastic bins
Sips of tea like tiny raindrops christening my lips
Forming mornings and memories anew
A slew of
mournings and memories
Of the only acceptable displays of emotion being at funerals
Where I would feel hot tears slink down my face and onto the floor of the coat closet
The only place that I could feel comfortable expressing how I felt over someone I never knew
I don’t think anyone would have minded
But then again
I Don’t Know