all my life, I tried hard to be a happy little girl
But I had a lot of rotten people come and shake my world
when I was 16
I woke up to unfamiliar fingers inside of me
And then when I was 17
My best friends brother raped me
but nobody ever knew that
I guess because nobody ever asked
I knew that it would be worse to speak up
so as a little girl, I had to push away the past
then at 18, I found my father dead
I tried to save him and never blame him and just blame myself instead
but man that shit really fucked up my head
at age 19, I conceived a baby girl
I met the love of my life and together they changed my world
but at age 20, things started to get tough
I was a damn good mother but the love I felt just wasn’t enough
I had baggage that weighed me down so much that it tore me from head to toe
I tried to hide it and fight it and stitch up my own wounds and make it so that nobody would know
but the trauma I’d endured held onto me
and now, it holds on so tight that I can hardly breathe
I had another baby at 21 years old
after she was born, it was like my dreams froze
and I grew cold
everything I tried so hard to hold in
just fell apart before me
I let my demons win
23 and everyday I feel like dying
but I’m still here, I haven’t stopped trying
I have two little girls who need their mom to be
the woman that she is, not what pain has painted me
today I found a way to heal
I found help, I found someone to tell me that my pain is real
someone to calm my stress and tell me how to feel good again
it’s okay to need therapy to feel good again
I’m gonna feel good again
things are gonna be good again