Looking back I don't know how I even fell asleep that night Somehow managing to steal a few hours of blissful unconsciousness I know I fought it at first Partly because it's pretty impossible to sleep while you're crying uncontrollably But also because when I finally calmed myself down (mostly) I didn't want to waste our final hours together sleeping All I wanted to do was lay there and listen to your heartbeat so many times I could snap my fingers four months from now and recall the sound Or I wanted to feel your skin so deeply that on any given night I could lay in bed, close my eyes, and still feel you on my finger tips But of course this isn't how memory works No matter how many times I wish it was No matter how many times I try At the end of the night I'm always left laying here alone With only my thoughts to keep me company Clutching your pillow to my chest, no heartbeat to be found Running my fingers along our sheets, nothing feels like your skin, nothing even comes close I don't know how I managed to fall asleep that night I don't know how I managed to let you go