Jun 2018
Though I’m all smiles when you’re around me
it’s only a fraud to hide the pain that surrounds me
I can’t deny the fact that I’m one of those souls who’s sheltered
still battling the pain from the past that I still remember
Not too long ago, I was involved in a situation that’ll affect me forever
causing me to be paranoid & failing to put myself back together
There are some things about me that I’ve never shared with you
including how I contemplated on living without you
And I know when you read that last line, you maybe confused
but the fact of it all is that I almost took my life away from being abused
Trapped in a hell hole where every day felt like it could’ve been the end
just the subject of someone’s rage & unable to reach a friend
Didn’t even tell my mom until years later when I moved away
but deep inside, those heart shattering events took pieces of my life away
Thinking about the nights I spend in the bathroom with a razor in my hand
crying my eyes out & asking why I’m being punished by this man
Thought I escaped Hell by moving away from my family
but I moved closer to it which later became my biggest tragedy
Even with you in mind, I still felt like I was in this world so alone
feeling the fire from the evil of a household whose heart was born cold
So I write this letter to you in requesting that you don’t give up on me
& just allow me to paint the picture of the real me
Although I’m still that guy you love, there’s many things behind closed doors
that I try to bring to light but refuse feeling like it’ll be ignored
Just please don’t give up on me if I feel like I’ll never be the man in my reflection
that changes the world through a God given poetic blessing
Don’t give up on me even if I feel the need to hang it all up
if I feel like it’s impossible & I choose to give this all up
I don’t just write for myself or based on myself but for those who express their pain
being that poetic umbrella protecting them for their emotional rain
And I’ve never told you anything before cause you’ll tell me to pray
but that doesn’t work for everyone at the end of the day
I’ve never done self harm, just turned to music & art as a result to cope
with the emotions to which most would take as a joke
So as I attempt to make myself a better person, keep your prayers raining down on me
& no matter how long it takes me, please Don’t Give Up On Me
☆ P e n c a s s o ☆
it’s only a fraud to hide the pain that surrounds me
I can’t deny the fact that I’m one of those souls who’s sheltered
still battling the pain from the past that I still remember
Not too long ago, I was involved in a situation that’ll affect me forever
causing me to be paranoid & failing to put myself back together
There are some things about me that I’ve never shared with you
including how I contemplated on living without you
And I know when you read that last line, you maybe confused
but the fact of it all is that I almost took my life away from being abused
Trapped in a hell hole where every day felt like it could’ve been the end
just the subject of someone’s rage & unable to reach a friend
Didn’t even tell my mom until years later when I moved away
but deep inside, those heart shattering events took pieces of my life away
Thinking about the nights I spend in the bathroom with a razor in my hand
crying my eyes out & asking why I’m being punished by this man
Thought I escaped Hell by moving away from my family
but I moved closer to it which later became my biggest tragedy
Even with you in mind, I still felt like I was in this world so alone
feeling the fire from the evil of a household whose heart was born cold
So I write this letter to you in requesting that you don’t give up on me
& just allow me to paint the picture of the real me
Although I’m still that guy you love, there’s many things behind closed doors
that I try to bring to light but refuse feeling like it’ll be ignored
Just please don’t give up on me if I feel like I’ll never be the man in my reflection
that changes the world through a God given poetic blessing
Don’t give up on me even if I feel the need to hang it all up
if I feel like it’s impossible & I choose to give this all up
I don’t just write for myself or based on myself but for those who express their pain
being that poetic umbrella protecting them for their emotional rain
And I’ve never told you anything before cause you’ll tell me to pray
but that doesn’t work for everyone at the end of the day
I’ve never done self harm, just turned to music & art as a result to cope
with the emotions to which most would take as a joke
So as I attempt to make myself a better person, keep your prayers raining down on me
& no matter how long it takes me, please Don’t Give Up On Me
☆ P e n c a s s o ☆
