May 2018
Have you ever looked at yourself in the
mirror and you just can't recognize yourself?
Yeah, those are my eyes,
and my nose,
and my lips...
Physically, that is me. I see my body
unhindered.
But there is a phantom there nonetheless-
haunting what is supposed to be
me.
It's like I am here, with all of you
and I am laughing and telling the story of
that one time... Always "that one time."
There are thousands of "that one time stories" I tell
you the way I want you to hear them
but never the way I want to tell them,
Yes, there's the facts but can you sense any of the emotion?
"But how did that make you feel?"
how did that make you feel?
Six words I've never heard
but six words I ask myself every day
A question I ask but I can never bring myself to answer.
A question so straightforward has become my archenemies
and something so simple has become so complicated.
And maybe that's why I can't answer, or won't.
The answer may be easy, but the truth,
the truth is difficult.
I don't know the exact words
or how to make you understand
It's like I'm suffocating and my breathing is
getting harder and harder, heavier and heavier.
I don't know if this is what it feels like to drown
or get buried alive...
but maybe subtract the water and dirt
and replace it with words, and I could imagine
it is.
All of the words left unspoken
and silenced,
the phrases I've kept hidden in my locked chest filled with
secrets and lies
the sentences I've tried to deny to the world, to every astral plane,
and to the demons I've allowed to take residence inside my very core.
I know there's such thing as a pill much too large to swallow,
but nowhere in my mind did I know that silence fit the expression perfectly.
And perfectly,
The words I could never utter I consumed- and alike I've swallowed one too many.
And now my eyes stare bloodshot,
my nose breathe like that in a doldrums state,
and my lips purse blue and frozen.
Internally, everything is shutting down.
So yes, when I see myself in the mirror,
the figure is familiar but I do not know
that reflection.
So when I look in the mirror,
I do not see me-
Instead, I see a visitor
overstaying a visit.
A visitor
longing nothing more
than a tranquil release back into
the current.
mirror and you just can't recognize yourself?
Yeah, those are my eyes,
and my nose,
and my lips...
Physically, that is me. I see my body
unhindered.
But there is a phantom there nonetheless-
haunting what is supposed to be
me.
It's like I am here, with all of you
and I am laughing and telling the story of
that one time... Always "that one time."
There are thousands of "that one time stories" I tell
you the way I want you to hear them
but never the way I want to tell them,
Yes, there's the facts but can you sense any of the emotion?
"But how did that make you feel?"
how did that make you feel?
Six words I've never heard
but six words I ask myself every day
A question I ask but I can never bring myself to answer.
A question so straightforward has become my archenemies
and something so simple has become so complicated.
And maybe that's why I can't answer, or won't.
The answer may be easy, but the truth,
the truth is difficult.
I don't know the exact words
or how to make you understand
It's like I'm suffocating and my breathing is
getting harder and harder, heavier and heavier.
I don't know if this is what it feels like to drown
or get buried alive...
but maybe subtract the water and dirt
and replace it with words, and I could imagine
it is.
All of the words left unspoken
and silenced,
the phrases I've kept hidden in my locked chest filled with
secrets and lies
the sentences I've tried to deny to the world, to every astral plane,
and to the demons I've allowed to take residence inside my very core.
I know there's such thing as a pill much too large to swallow,
but nowhere in my mind did I know that silence fit the expression perfectly.
And perfectly,
The words I could never utter I consumed- and alike I've swallowed one too many.
And now my eyes stare bloodshot,
my nose breathe like that in a doldrums state,
and my lips purse blue and frozen.
Internally, everything is shutting down.
So yes, when I see myself in the mirror,
the figure is familiar but I do not know
that reflection.
So when I look in the mirror,
I do not see me-
Instead, I see a visitor
overstaying a visit.
A visitor
longing nothing more
than a tranquil release back into
the current.
