I hate the way my mind works
How the wires interconnect and process information
I hate the way getting out of bed proves to be difficult
I hate how I’m down rather than laughable
I hurt in silence
I’d sometimes like to vanish
To never exist again on this planet
I hate how my mom looks at me with disappointed eyes
And I internally cry
Or when my dad had a bad day
and comes home with nothing to say
I run upstairs and hide away
but deep down I’m scared
I have no talents
No more love to give
Almost 19
But still stuck feeling like a kid
why did the Oklahoma storm take my happiness away
Why have I gone through so much up until today
Why do I feel like I’m given the knife
And given the choice to take your life or mine
Why do I act so mean but know I’m kind
Since February
My thoughts have been scary
Haven’t felt sublime
Haven’t felt the same
Since he left me so blind
Maybe you were my breaking point
Felt it in my joints and in my heart
You laughed and faked your tears
As you watched me fall apart
I’m too much for friends
Was too much for him
Maybe too much for you
So I stay alone inside my room
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’ll try to be somebody
I’ll try to work
Stay motivated
Make money
I’ll clean up myself
And all the mistakes I’ve made
But I’ll never forget
How far I’ve came
I’m a hero within myself
A force to be reckoned with
A storm that’ll come more than once
a person you’d not want to miss
Though I’m not the best at times
I still want to be a good guy
Be a good son
Have a good job
Live a good life
That’s simply all
Maybe I’ll die alone
Maybe I won’t achieve my goals
But I know
In the end
I’ll be alright
And I’ll reflect
And never forget
How far I’ve made it
With the demons in my head
And my mind always racing
And chasing me
I’ll find the happiness in the dark
I’ll hurt in silence for now
And get through the hardest parts
Alone
Searching for my happiness
And a new place inside my head to call home