Do you really want to know what it's like to be me?
Someone who was once free, to think, feel, act, believe
in my progression from one place to here
I've lost everything

Everything that made me feel
everything that made me feel whole
and secure

I'm no longer the person I was
my memories haunt me

My shadows torment me
torture me

every word I could say
is instantly used against me
in the worst ways possible

If I wanted to be beautiful
oh pity me, what a ******

if I wanted to be masculine
just **** me now because my dignity is long gone

and in my pain, loathing, and self-hatred
I've given up on these things

Every word hurts because they intend them to
they stay by my side, waiting for the right moment
to break into my mind, and plant seeds of delusion
of anger, hatred, sadness, apathy, pain

and in my pain, I can only hurt myself
as a means to get back at them
because they are me, and I am them

Self-hatred is a fun game, where one forgets
that everything in the mind simply exists
formless, solid, yet lacking any sign, symbol or selfhood

but what does it mean anyway? When every voice is hostile
Every word meant to break your heart

Every moment, just waiting to dig deeper, with pleasant lies
that open cracks in your heart, and allows for their darkness to seep in
like tentacles made from pure hate, pure desire to destroy

I've dealt with them long enough, and in pushing them away
I've only made them stronger.

Made myself weaker

and one day, they will completely destroy me
My demons; they are cunning, they know me better than I know myself
and in this knowledge, they know just where it hurts
where to stick the blade

and twist
twist
twist

until my mind is no more