To the one who falls in love with me:

I am not easy to love,
and for that I am sorry.

You see, so much
so so much
has happened to me.

I wish I could explain,
but the damage took over
a very long time ago.

My spirit barely clings to life.
I want you to understand,
It’s not my fault,
and it’s taken me forever
to finally see that.

After the abuse
and the assault
and the torture
I became broken
and I remain broken.

I survived everything,
but surviving isn’t living.
I stopped living for a while.

It was so hard to keep going
especially in this body.
But I pushed forward,
even when I did not want to.

As much as I would like to say
that I’ll be whole again soon,
I have accepted that
there isn’t always
a light at the end of the tunnel.

But, that’s okay.
I found comfort in the darkness,
and I do know
that one day the hardship will end.
Whether that end be death
or true recovery,
I’ll never know.

Please understand,
I am begging you.
I know that I am hard to love.
I have so many cracks
and problems
that it’s hard to see the good
sometimes,
but please try.

Please don’t give up on me.
Please give me a chance.
Because I promise you,
when you make it past
my arsenal of defenses
you’ll see all of me.

The challenges ahead
are meant to push you
to your absolute limit.
I cannot be hurt again,
so I will test you until
you are deemed worthy.

So, be patient
and find the will to go on,
like I did.

And when you make it,
when you see all of me,
it will be worth it.

Because that’s when
you’ll truly understand
everything about me,
everything I’ve been through
everything I’ve worked for.

And then,
and only then,
will you truly be able to love me.