I'm not her.
You don't look at me and think
"How beautiful.
Peaceful."
You glance and say
"Move over you lazy ****."

I'm not gonna do drugs.
But I want to.
To stay dry and trip.

I won't go to clubs.
Parties.
Hook up with strangers.
But I want to.
I want to drink til I can't think.
I want to be used to it.
I want to be used.
To be able to pull long hair
And have scratches on my back.
To not remember your name.

But I'm awkward
And only a glance.
But I'm okay with that
Because when you know me
When you listen, you're stunned.
Now you know what I want.
And it's not the me you expect.
And that's scary.
So you stay.

I'm not that party girl you forget.
I'm the one that sticks like a bad habit.
I want to be both.

But I smirk with a bad intension instead.
Not inviting you in.