Deep and dark
It fills me it takes me over;
doesn't leave room for the light.
I cant feel happy not now not ever.
When the warm feeling comes I remember,
I remember the people I left the people I failed,
the life I've thrown away.
People tell me that it all gets better it just takes time.
I don't see this light coming towards me, I feel it running.
Cold and hard
This feeling never leaves me when I sleep.
It calls me their friend.
It comes when least expected and never leaves.
It never lets me sleep, it never lets me eat.
When I eat I feel shame I feel unwanted.
When I eat I later think that I'm not seen as who I should be,
I’ve not seen as a girl who can fit in tiny shirts or fit in tiny pants.
But I’m the girl who is small and chubby.
Names and hurt
I feel the pain of myself dought,
I feel myself slipping closer to the edge.
I feel myself let go and fall,
Fall into a deep and dark pit.
A pit of names, a pit of hurt, pit of darkness.
This never-ending cycle of hurt and unloved.
I can never stop it unless I get rid of the one who has to deal with it all.
Get rid of my past.
Get rid of ME.