what am i supposed to do?
what do you want me to do when all i can do is rearrange my room and paint your skies blue
not only to come home with stained hands,
reminding me that i can't make myself as happy as i make you.
what am i supposed to do then?
i've been fighting my demons and eating lunch with them,
i've been doing everything i'm supposed to do
but no matter how friendly they are,

i'll only have peace when i'm gone.
they'll leave when i'm gone.
they won't haunt the hallway leading to my room,
they won't sing songs that sound like nails on a chalkboard to keep me up at night anymore.
what do you want me to do when it's obvious that i'm not wanted here?

i feel like how my father felt every time he came from running away from his mistakes and his garbage,
unwanted,
uneasy,
out of place,
wrong.

so what am i supposed to do?
will arranging flowers and setting up the dining table erase these thoughts?
will painting the house and writing structured words make them think that i am stronger than them?

what do you want me to do?