May 2018
He's not you, no one is.
But I will still look for the pieces of myself that I lost in you,
in anyone who will give me so much as a chance.
Because there is no one who can fill the hole that you left in my soul,
there is no one that can make my chest feel less hollow
but there are so many people who can help me forget
and even more people willing to fill the space you left vacant on the left hand side of my bed.
He's not you
but when I needed you, you had gone
when all I needed was some loving
he was there and you wasn't.
No one will ever be able to take away what you gave to me.
You gave me the power to be a better person,
but I only ever wanted to be a better person for you
I only ever wanted to be this weak version of myself
if there was someone to hold me together when the glue comes unstuck.
And maybe that's unfair, and maybe that's selfish
that I genuinely needed your presence in my life to feel safe and to feel wanted.
But I only ever wanted it to be you.
He's not you
but he has that same effect on me that you did.
The power to make me feel like a person again,
the power to help me forget the shitstorm that is reality
and only focus on us and what we had in that second.
The difference is
he was just someone I went to bed with.
You were always there when I woke up.
He's not you
but he still breaks my heart just the same.
Although this time I don't even want him to, I still feel a slight tightening in my chest when he looks at me with the "I can't love you" look in his eyes.
You used to look at me with this pure "I can't love you" look in your eyes,
and when I'd look back at you and say "what baby?" with my eyes
you'd just say "well at least not now, not yet, not like this" just with a softly spoken moment of eye contact.
I'd just look into the distance and try and find faults because even when there was nothing perfect about us,
I'd still look at you with all the love in my eyes
I'd still tell everyone "it's nothing, she will come back".
And every time you did.
Every time I was right.
Only the last time you came back, you told me you were going for good.
He's not you
because to him I am just a ****
and I know that.
But to you I was something more
only I hope that.
He's not you
because we spend a lot of time together.
Whereas I hardly saw you.
I preferred that, I never told you
but I loved how we did things.
I loved that we didn't speak all the time,
and when we spent time together each others presence was enough .
I have never been so content with something as simple as a finger through my hair,
I have never looked at someone in such awe.
He's not you
because he doesn't have the power to break my heart.
And even if he did
he wouldn't.
Only you did,
and you did.
He's not you
because when I'm off my face at 3am
lonely, drunk and confused
he's there
and you're not
But I will still look for the pieces of myself that I lost in you,
in anyone who will give me so much as a chance.
Because there is no one who can fill the hole that you left in my soul,
there is no one that can make my chest feel less hollow
but there are so many people who can help me forget
and even more people willing to fill the space you left vacant on the left hand side of my bed.
He's not you
but when I needed you, you had gone
when all I needed was some loving
he was there and you wasn't.
No one will ever be able to take away what you gave to me.
You gave me the power to be a better person,
but I only ever wanted to be a better person for you
I only ever wanted to be this weak version of myself
if there was someone to hold me together when the glue comes unstuck.
And maybe that's unfair, and maybe that's selfish
that I genuinely needed your presence in my life to feel safe and to feel wanted.
But I only ever wanted it to be you.
He's not you
but he has that same effect on me that you did.
The power to make me feel like a person again,
the power to help me forget the shitstorm that is reality
and only focus on us and what we had in that second.
The difference is
he was just someone I went to bed with.
You were always there when I woke up.
He's not you
but he still breaks my heart just the same.
Although this time I don't even want him to, I still feel a slight tightening in my chest when he looks at me with the "I can't love you" look in his eyes.
You used to look at me with this pure "I can't love you" look in your eyes,
and when I'd look back at you and say "what baby?" with my eyes
you'd just say "well at least not now, not yet, not like this" just with a softly spoken moment of eye contact.
I'd just look into the distance and try and find faults because even when there was nothing perfect about us,
I'd still look at you with all the love in my eyes
I'd still tell everyone "it's nothing, she will come back".
And every time you did.
Every time I was right.
Only the last time you came back, you told me you were going for good.
He's not you
because to him I am just a ****
and I know that.
But to you I was something more
only I hope that.
He's not you
because we spend a lot of time together.
Whereas I hardly saw you.
I preferred that, I never told you
but I loved how we did things.
I loved that we didn't speak all the time,
and when we spent time together each others presence was enough .
I have never been so content with something as simple as a finger through my hair,
I have never looked at someone in such awe.
He's not you
because he doesn't have the power to break my heart.
And even if he did
he wouldn't.
Only you did,
and you did.
He's not you
because when I'm off my face at 3am
lonely, drunk and confused
he's there
and you're not
