i lost 'me'
somewhere along
rusty tracks
i'd found myself one day
nine years old
counting chirps birds made
suspended in the air
swinging
                           up
and
  
  down

now i'm down again
now i'm not sure what age means
the word "nineteen"
tossed out and
looked down upon
always too young
too naive

now i'm smoothing out edges
with the rough skunky smoke
i'd learned to let go
and a
calloused heart

one ex lover
silent
in our room
while i sit here on the couch
alone
******
hungover

another man
down the street
with my heart
and his lover's head on his chest
if i'm the mistress
i guess that makes him
the cheating *******
but i can't help
but sympathize

at least i've got a full pack of smokes
and my cat
to keep me company