Dear 2020,

   Yesterday was a good day, a really, really good day. I think this was because of the pain in my arm. I used the razor the day before yesterday. A lot. But still, it was a good day. And it filled me with hope.
   Or maybe my good feeling and twitchiness are just from having to show both my mother and my doctor my arm today, and having to explain to my doctor what happened to my hand. Maybe I am just nervous.
   But Mikasa is having a party on the 19th, and I know I’m excited about that. I will finally get to meet her friends, and I have a feeling that she will tell her friends that she likes me… though perhaps she won’t. I do think that at the party I will not be able to hide both my arm and my hand, though they will be more healed then they are now. But I think it is good that Mikasa should know the truth, especially if she can see it herself, without me coming out and telling her. Maybe she wouldn’t like me anymore. I think that would be almost good, because although I like her a lot, I don’t think I am a stable enough person to be a good partner, though I would not put it past her to try and save me from myself. I just don’t want to hurt her with stress if she does try and fix me.
   I am being ridiculous. No one could care about me that much. Not even myself.
   I had to explain to my mother that I write letters to my future self and post them on my Hello Poetry page because there no one knows who I am, and I like that. She seemed a little thoughtful. I wonder if she will tell me not to do this anymore.