childless father, I ******* ache
every time it crosses my mind that I miss his little face
when any other connection to anyone else feels so out of place
living only in the past in analyzing my actions and in decisions I retrace

and no one else can really understand what it takes just to get up and stand
what getting on your own two feet each morning demands
when you're young son isn't yours anymore to see become a man
when you can't hold his, so you just wipe your tears with your useless hands

regret
will put a blade in your belly and cut slowly till you will never forget
the waking in cold sweats and seeing any other love as a threat
it makes the smiling at others just a bluff as you place each day's bet

can I survive this draining daily distress?
is there life after a needed connection's brutal death?
can I catch back up to normal when the pain won't let me catch my breath?
can I live a whole life when without him I am so much less?

I can't drink the pangs numb or calm my blood's churning seas
the sickening motion rolling through each inch of me
the sticky tar that paints me in black misery
or **** the grinning devils that make any new hope only trickery

childless
a father's love unwavering but never received
without my baby son all I do is grieve
and I have no use anymore for love, no matter what I use to believe