My name around the house is Mr. mushroom

Cause I’m always cooking mushrooms

Salt and pepper mushrooms

Squealing in a pan

You’re vegan and you don’t like mushrooms?

I don’t understand


Looking like a lizard, chewing on stringy hallucinogens

Or classy and tall floating in your soup

Or rich like truffles

Or frilly like flowers that kiss each other


Growing in bark, growing on trees

Growing in fields with no strawberries.

I met a mushroom picker one time, real nice guy

Was his trade, did it all day.

Squealing in a pan

My sister said when it comes to cooking mushrooms, I’m the man.

Don’t get all imaginative on me, and start breading and crumbing

Just doesn’t do.

Just the nice robust standard cups, at your local super market,  or sometimes those portabellos

Get them sweating like scalps in the heat!

Torture them with black pepper, fingernails on blackboards!

Then sunburn them in sea salt, crisping around the eyes like a vagabond child

Don’t let ‘em escape!

Mushrooms clouds, over the reef, think about them in your sleep.

Serve with rice or toast with a coffee or tea,

It’s Mushrooms for me.