Here I am once gain
Or should I say going on fifth.
Repeatedly failing at something
I desperately need,
Which others have got in a go.

Some advise to take a short cut,
"What's the big deal??? The majority do so".
Just a few cashouts to give behind closed doors
And it will be as quick as a snap.
A sure deal for never going through it again.

But I find myself with a refusal
Attempted to, but can't get passed the guilt that would consume me,
Of cheating the principles I stand for.
Throwing away my mother's upbringing,
And compromising my own integrity.

It hurts to go through it over and over again,
Every fail is like a heavy blow in the face.
I ask myself, "where is the Lord my God?"
Or perhaps my many sins have caught up with me,
And am abandoned.

I now plead for mercy,
For I've tried and I've failed.